(Post by: Lilly Hobbs)
Madie and I recently had a conversation with a godly couple about ministry and the things we’ve been learning. Towards the end of the conversation, our Dad asked them if they would give us some advice on marriage; specifically, finding a guy that loves Jesus.
I was a little confused as to why Dad was asking them about that, but the husband’s answer has stuck with me since…
He said, “It will be hard to find a guy who loves Jesus and serving Him more than you do. It will be hard to find a guy who is already serious about Jesus on his own and has the same, or more, experience in ministry than you. But when it happens, you won’t ever question if he’s the one God has for you.”
Definitely a word of wisdom there!
Earlier that same day, I had been listening to a podcast episode that Francis Chan and his wife Lisa did. They were talking about godly relationships and what God really intended for marriage to look like. Francis said something that I was instantly reminded of when the couple was sharing with us.
Francis said, “The only reason you should get married is if you can do more for eternity together than you can do on your own.” Insert an “amen” right here!
I actually shared all of this in a Bible Study lesson I did a couple weeks ago with some older girls, and I want to share some of those things with y’all as well. I think that there are many valuable lessons to be learned for girls and guys in the area of relationships and our God-given roles that are not being taught anymore. Just to put it out there, I’ve never been that “boy-crazy typical teen girl”. In fact, I’m usually the one trying to pour into the girls that are, and challenging them to stay focused on Jesus.
That probably doesn’t surprise some of y’all reading this right now, ha! And yes, those are also the girls who call me “radical”. So, if you are a radical Jesus girl too, own that word. It’s a good title to have.
However, I have questioned what godly guys desire in a wife, and what things are important for them to be the one to do in a relationship, as I’m sure every girl has. Being the crazy person I am, I reached out to some married guys who I highly respect, and I asked them to answer some questions that I’m sure we can all think about and learn from.
The first question I asked was: Is it important for women to respect men and allow you to lead? How does it make you feel if we do?
This is how one guy responded: “Yes. It is important for women to respect men and allow them to lead. God has wired men to have a desire for significance. Women, on the other hand, are wired for security. In other words, they need a safe and secure environment. It’s easier for the woman to respect and follow if the man has provided a secure environment.” Check out Colossians 3:18.
The second question I asked was: Is it attractive when a woman is content in her role as a female/wife/mother and provides a godly home and atmosphere?
One guy said: “It is very attractive when a woman is content with her role. A godly home and atmosphere are very important in the dynamic of a family, especially when the man deals most of his day “in the world”. There is nothing more beautiful in a woman than her being secure in her role as the lady of the house.” Check out Titus 2:3-5.
The third question was: Is it important for you to be the one who provides for and protects your wife and your family?
Each guy replied with the same answer to this question: “100% yes. Every man is called to be the provider and protector. There is no better feeling than knowing that I am doing everything I can to meet the needs of my wife and family, as well as keeping them safe.” Check out 1 Tim. 5:8 & Eph. 5:25.
The last question (which was optional): Advice you’d personally give a young, teen girl trying to live out her role as a female in a godly way?
The answer that challenged us the most: “Be confident in who you are, what you believe as a follower of Jesus, and you will be attractive to anyone worth knowing.”
My whole purpose of doing this survey was to prove to the girls in my Bible Study that femininity is a powerful thing. It’s a God-given gift. The same goes for masculinity.
Godly women are attracted to godly masculinity, and from the survey I did, the same goes for guys. They are attracted to godly femininity. The problem is that our culture has distorted what each of those roles look like.
This is why marriage is so insignificant in our world today. Couples think that it’s no big deal to live together and have a couple kids before they get married. Why? Because the world tells them it’s totally normal and perfectly ok.
Families are dysfunctional and full of absolute chaos. It’s common for both parents to be working and never home because they are trying to pay off debt from that new car they just bought, or because they have signed their kid up for every worldly activity out there. Or even both!
My point: If men and women both understood what godly masculinity and femininity looked like and lived for eternity, together, we would begin to see the full picture of the glory of God in our everyday lives. His character would be evident in us.
There is an abundance of freedom when you start to function the way God intended you to. And just remember… Freedom works on everybody.
I pray to one day marry a godly man that I can live for eternity with. I pray we do more for the Kingdom together than we ever could apart.
“I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.” (Psalm 119:45)
SO WHAT IS YOUR RESPONSE?
= Do you believe that men and women have unique roles that are God-given?
= Have you found freedom in Christ?
= What are you going to do differently?