RE-SURRENDER

(Post by: Colton)

We were at a church camp last week, and if I’m honest, I struggled. I was bitter and angry because I knew that after the week was over, I was going to have to go back into the world. I was over listening to cussing, chaos, inappropriate jokes, etc.

I was mad because I felt like I needed to control where I was. I have school debt I’m trying to pay off and taking a week off and not getting paid hurts me a little. I’m trying to save up for a future home and a future ring for a certain someone, so taking a week off with no pay was really bothering me.

Even prior to last week, I was angry because I felt as if I was having to do so much while watching people that are living in the world with zero Jesus live the life that I desire but can’t have yet.

As our camp week progressed, I was still bitter and frustrated with where I was mentally and spiritually.

Then, a few of us guys started getting up to pray at 9:00 am every morning. We started praying on Tuesday, and you could say our prayer was a little selfish.

We prayed for a revival to start in us.

We prayed that the Lord would work in each one of us and allow us to feel the presence of God personally.

I know, selfish, right?

Well, no, I don’t think it’s selfish at all. It’s dangerous and bold. Dangerous to the enemy because he wants to keep us right where we are, in the anger and bitterness we feel at the world, or even the anger we may feel towards God.

Bold, because who prays for God to break them and use them as He sees fit? Normally all we’re asking God is, “Hey, can you help me pay off my car loan?” Or, “Can you give me a raise so I can go buy that thing I know I’m not supposed to have but I want.” Those are selfish prayers which are usually more about us than they are about the Kingdom.

We prayed in boldness that God would do such a work in our lives that we would change once again.

Let me tell you, I was kind of scared to pray that prayer. I didn’t know what was going to happen.

Because I was so angry and bitter, and had been for so long, I wanted to stay in that because I had gotten used to it. It was the only thing I could feel, and I was scared of feeling anything else because I didn’t want to be disappointed again.

On Wednesday we prayed the same prayer again. “Lord, start this thing in me.” I decided to really focus on those words throughout the day.

When it came time for the evening service, I felt different. Although I was scared, I was comfortable, if that makes sense. The message was about holiness. This idea of pursuing Jesus wholeheartedly, despite things like anger and bitterness.

As I sat there and listened to the message, I knew I had to go to the altar. The Lord was seriously working on me. I don’t even have any notes from that night because all I could do was sit on the edge of my seat and hear from the Lord.

When the speaker got done with that sermon and gave the altar call, I couldn’t get out of my seat fast enough.

I didn’t care who saw me. I needed to get up there.

By the time I finally got to the altar, it was full. There wasn’t an open spot for me to kneel, but to the right of the altar, there was a small area of empty carpet. There was nothing to lean on or hide behind.

I hit my knees and wept. I gave up. Physically, I had nothing. Nothing to hold me back. Nothing to hold onto. Nothing to hide behind. As I wept, all I could say was, “Lord, I can’t do this anymore.”

I re-surrendered. I realized that all the things I’ve been trying to do myself haven’t been working because I’ve been trying to do them myself.

For too long I had tried to do it myself even though I have been saved for 2 1/2 years.

So, after my own re-surrendering, I feel the need to remind you that you can’t do this on your own. It only results in more stress and anxiety. You’re trying to dig deeper, and no one has told you that you’ve been throwing the dirt back in the whole time. You’re getting nowhere.

The moment you give yourself up and allow Jesus to work in your life, all the anger and bitterness will go way. I’m not preaching prosperity here, because it doesn’t get easier, but it sure helps where you’re at.

Your perspective and attitude on life can change. Yield to Jesus. That’s all He’s asking of you.

“The blight of the human race is in believing we can make it on our own.” – Going Higher with God in Prayer by A.W Tozer